it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
