I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Dignity is for republicans.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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