well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
