I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
