Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
