Kiss
Puke
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
