my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
