Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
