i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
