You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he thought i was a dude.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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