M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
