You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
