Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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