I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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