You really coming over, don't trick.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
