careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
