question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
