she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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