i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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