I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
