I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Too much gin, very little bucket
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
