Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize