Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
