Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
