so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you had me at cake vodka
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You're breaking my sexual little heart
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
