highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
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I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
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He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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