just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
