whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
