The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
