i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
