I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just found puke in my bra..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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