I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
