I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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