I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
