I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I can't put those talents on a resume
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
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