my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
