is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
