Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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