she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
