can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
