we're blogging at a bar
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
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i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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