I'm lost and stupid without you.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
