Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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