You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
false alarm, still single
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize