Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
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We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
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I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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