She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
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Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
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Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie