Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.