4 words: hood of his car
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...