So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.