ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
