My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
