She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
