I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
