What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
