I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
