I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
