Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
are you so shy because you have an std?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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