its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
