After last night, I could never be a politician.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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