I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
