well I can't set my house on fire every night
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize