Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
