your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
