what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
