Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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