After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
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Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
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I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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