You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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