Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
