we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
