Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
