I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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